I learned a big time lesson last night. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with anxiety trying to impress people in the scene. I let it get to me in till the point that it hurts my performance with stage fright. Why doesn't this person like me? What happens if I don't do a good job in front of them? If they don't like my dancing, my concept, my costume, my quirkiness, my body type, my level of "sexy"?
Last night I did a number that was fun and pretty while donning a unibrow. I selected a song that made me happy and I danced like I have never danced before. I relaxed before the show and I didn't get self consumed with the thought of what people would think when they saw the pictures or if they happened to be in the audience. The audience loved the number and I did too. And that-that is what matters most. My feelings and the people paying for their ticket to watch the show. These people who I hear tell who the best is, who the really sexy ones are, who the most talented are-well they aren't my audience. There is no winning over the people who are so self involved in themselves, that I will never be on their radar. They are always going to motivated in their agenda and I am simply not invited in their eyes to be on their road map to the top. There is no winning burlesque. There is no being the best "it" girl. But there is being the best Pepper that I can be. Who is Pepper? Well Pepper is the bouncy,happy performer who gets too excited, is delightfully awkward with a plus sized body that likes shiny things, big lashes and will probably never be one of the cool kids. Finally, that is ok with me.
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